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journal The panic I never knew I had 2026-06-23T23:30:00
entry text

My day started with work like any other work day and it was a busy one at that. Lots of requests, lots of problems to solve. But busy feels good and makes time to by faster. Mom made me some burgers for dinner. I picked up Dad. Soon after I went to watch the NBA draft in Hillside at Chadwicks. We watched it and then we watched the first 45 mins of Sicario which seems like a good movie. Then something crazy happened. Chadwick asked for my help holding a vial that contained his fat loss drug. He just wanted me to hold the vial while he use a syringe to extract the proper amount to inject into himself. Conceptually, this doesn’t sound gross or disturbing to me. In the moment, when I was in the bathroom with him my subconscious took over. Internally I was very freaked out even though outwardly I was entirely unbothered. I started having a panic attack, something I hadn’t experienced probably since middle school. Everything started feeling static-y. My perception was becoming more narrow, I lost the ability to focus, my senses were becoming less pronounced. And ultimately I felt like I was dying in the moment. I distinctively remember at the time feeling like my life was over, this is how it ended. I thought maybe I was drugged, maybe I was poisoned. But I was pretty sure I was having an emergency. So then I walk outside the room. I don’t see Chadwick because he had gone to get something from his bedroom. I then physically lose the ability to stand and my head slams against the wall. Chadwick seemed a little alarmed by this, checking in on me. It was It was embarrassing, so I assured him I was fine even though I felt anything but. I was on the ground. I got up, then we upstairs and I had some water. I drove home and reflected on what a uniquely terrifying and eye opening experience that was. I never knew I had a deep-down fear of needles, but I don’t think the proof gets any more clear.

  • create entity
    place: Hillside
    new entity: Hillside
  • create entity_fact
    Owen Vnek · activity_2026_06_23 = Watched the NBA draft on 2026-06-23 at Chadwicks in Hillside with Chadwick; brought Dad along earlier in the evening; Mom made burgers for dinner beforehand
    Owen Vnek: activity_2026_06_23 = Watched the NBA draft on 2026-06-23 at Chadwicks in Hillside with Chadwick; brought Dad along earlie
  • create entity_fact
    Owen Vnek · movie_watched_sicario = Watched the first 45 minutes of Sicario on 2026-06-23 at Chadwicks; found it seems like a good movie
    Owen Vnek: movie_watched_sicario = Watched the first 45 minutes of Sicario on 2026-06-23 at Chadwicks; found it seems like a good movie
  • create entity_fact
    Owen Vnek · coping_pattern = Tends to mask internal distress with external composure — during the 2026-06-23 panic attack he was 'internally very freaked out' but remained 'entirely unbothered' outwardly, and assured Chadwick he was fine despite feeling otherwise
    Owen Vnek: coping_pattern = Tends to mask internal distress with external composure — during the 2026-06-23 panic attack he was
  • create entity_fact
    Chadwick · medication = Self-administers a fat loss drug via syringe injection
    Chadwick: medication = Self-administers a fat loss drug via syringe injection
  • create entity_fact
    Chadwicks · location = Located in Hillside; where Owen watched the NBA draft and Sicario on 2026-06-23
    Chadwicks: location = Located in Hillside; where Owen watched the NBA draft and Sicario on 2026-06-23
  • create entity_fact
    Owen Vnek · phobia = Has a deep-down fear of needles, discovered on 2026-06-23 after a panic attack triggered by being near a syringe
    Owen Vnek: phobia = Has a deep-down fear of needles, discovered on 2026-06-23 after a panic attack triggered by being ne
  • create entity_fact
    Owen Vnek · medical_event = Experienced a panic attack on 2026-06-23 while helping Chadwick hold a vial of fat loss drug for injection — first panic attack since middle school. Symptoms included static-y perception, narrowing focus, loss of senses, and physically collapsing against a wall.
    Owen Vnek: medical_event = Experienced a panic attack on 2026-06-23 while helping Chadwick hold a vial of fat loss drug for inj

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